


The Consultant

by Brorifles (Kyloisadisneyprincess)



Series: The Correspondent Series [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Animals, Canon Compliant, Character Death In Dream, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Lothal, M/M, Masturbation, Nature, Non-Graphic Violence, Pining, Slow Burn, Yavin 4, kannera kiss, kannera mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-02-27 14:15:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyloisadisneyprincess/pseuds/Brorifles
Summary: Everyone struggles to find their place on Yavin 4 and in the rebellion.Sequel to "The Corespondent"





	1. In the Name of the Rebelion

Yavin isn’t their own but the ghost is so the the complex of Massassi temples feel marginally like home. The flurry of activity and the high energy of this base seems supercharged compared to their small installation on Attolon. The actions, the spirit and the routine feel the same for Zeb but there are a slew of unfamiliar faces. The place seem dissonant from the way they had lived for the past year. He found himself missing even the presence of people he hadn’t known all to well. Sato, their first higher up leader in the rebellion was gone. Mart was devastated and Iron squadron grew up fast to fill in the places the fallen had left. Zeb felt old, not in the way that made him paranoid that he had overstayed his welcome. But it a way that made him feel marked, held at a standstill watching everyone around him fade away.

Lassan had felt like a deep quick cut. The rebellion felt like being pounded by waves. He was tired but he didn’t want to give up. 

Sabine had called for help on Mandalore and it’s a good and bad thing. Good because Ezra needs the activity, more so than Zeb does now. Ezra needs something to fight after such a terrible loss. Zeb remembers when he didn’t have the control to keep from feeling that way. The excursion to Mandalore is bad because their crew is split and if the strangeness of the new base itself wasn’t enough to throw Zeb off  not having any of the kids around makes it even worse. He misses them.

Positioned in the Gordion reach, Yavin is far closer to main hyperspace routes and the rebels here are more devoted to the overall cause than any one system. The rebels here come from every system in the galaxy. They’re lucky Mon Mothma is here, her charisma is half of what holds the base together.

The survivors of attolon had been debriefed and released promptly their small numbers melting into yavin group’s much larger force. Zeb only sees Hera in the early mornings and late evenings when she’s going to and from her bunk on the ghost. She looks tired, never gets enough rest when Kannan’s not around to make her slow down. He catches glimpses of Kallus in the command center and the temple halls, always with someone else answering a litany of questions that might aid the rebellion. 

Zeb is surprised when Kallus approaches them.

“A reunion, how nice. But as Commander Bridger suggests, it’s time to get to work.” Kallus says, Zeb can tell it's meant to be benevolent, only kallus hasn’t mastered the tone. “Mon mothma requests your presence .”

Rex leads the way into to cool shade of the temple. Zeb watches Kallus as he slips behind not really able to keep up with ghost crew’s chatter. He still feels like an outsider, crosses his arms over his chest protectively and does not deign to speak again until he has something he’s knowledgeable about to comment on.

“How does saws ragtag group have better intel than we do?” Rex asks

“Because Guerra has absolutely no qualms about how he acquires it.” Kallus says finally unfolding his arms. His hand almost comes down in a fist on the command console but he belatedly thinks better of it, finger tips tapping against the metal as if he has just placed some solid evidence of the accusation there. Zeb remembers, Guerra is a topic that Kallus is intimately, personaly knowledgeable about.

“Well if he gets results.” Ezra blurts. Kallus put off by Ezra's suggestion, but only briefly. Kallus looks away and then down at his hands before drawing in on himself again. 

“We do not mistreat our prisoners.” Mon Mothma says harshly says harshly. Ezra blinks. Mothma’s tone is probably as close as she’ll get to a slap in the face and Ezra’s fallen look seems close to a wince.

“Well then the question is, what course of action do we take? We can’t allow this realy to hamper our missions.”

“Perhaps there is another way,” says moving closer to the console controls. “ If we could tap into this relay we could use it to monitor imperial fleet movements and adjust our own operations to avoid them.”

“Can it be done?” Mothma asks.

“My crew and I have done plenty of jobs just like it.” Hera responds, but she cant se the faces Zeb, Sabine and Ezra are pulling behind her. Zeb doesn’t like it. Kallus thinks far to much like a spy now. And while he understands why Kallus would want to condemn harsher tactics, not taking out the relay, avoiding imperial fleet movements seems like he might be going softer on his own.

“Are you confident that your ship can get in and out undetected?” Dodanna asks?

“We don’t call it the Ghost for nothing.” Hera says, and she’s right. The ghost has always operated with stealthy hit and run missions. Maybe they’re all just craving a little more after Attolon.

“You are authorized to proceed.” Mon Mothma says, the briefing is concluded.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So much for being called the ghost for a reason. Zeb watches Guerras ship blink into lightspeed ahead of them with half of their crew on board. 

“Where are they going!” Zeb shouts. He just got Sabine and Ezra back they can’t leave this mision without them, not knowing when they’ll come home again.

“I’m not worried about where their going. I’m worried about who their with.” Hera says darkly. Of all the crew for Guerra to take Ezra with his run ins with the holocron, the dark side and Maul and Sabine with her propensity to arson and creating super weapons, something is going to go terribly wrong force wizardry kriff-wise or explosively, if not both. Zeb hates to even think it but chopper is the most reasonable being on that ship.

They head back to Yavin defeated, the ghost far to empty and quiet.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kallus hears the ghost coming in and rushes to the command center.  By the time he gets there Hera’s half way through her report. The array had been destroyed by Guerra. Sabine, Ezra and Chopper were kidnapped? That didn’t seem quite right even Guerra would have are hard time holding on to those three. They must have been willing.

Still the concern from the remainder of Ghost crew was palpable. Zeb Hasn’t moved from where he is hunched over with his hands behind his back, eyes downcast. Kannan is a half pace behind Hera with his arm crossed as she efficiently powers through the rest of her report. Command is understanding though disappointed. And Ghost crew is dismissed. 

Kallus would like to have been able to offer them some kind of support or condolence but he knows that they know their own best as he climbs the steps back to his quarters he sees Kannan and Hera  arms around each other making their way across the landing pad back to the ghost in the fading light. Zeb’s lumbering form is absent from their dwindling group.

Kallus has spent the past few weeks talking to anyone and everyone that wanted his imperial expertise. At times he felt like a databank being accessed. He had hoped that he would feel less like a tool in the rebelion than he had been in the empire. But there was an overwhelming need that the rebels had even in this large a cell they ran short in contacts and even the simplest tidbits of information. Maybe Ghost crew was something special even amongst the rebels. Maybe he didn't want to show care for their losses after all, maybe he wanted to take thier place. It’s the same imperial ambition that he’s had drilled into him for so long. He finds himself ashamed that he still needs it.

He seeks Zeb out.

“What are you doing all the way up here?” Kallus says hoping over one of the stone  divisions of the temple exterior.  Zeb is reclined against one of the steep rams that reinforce the terraces. 

“I like the height,” Zeb says glaring. “Could ask you the same.” 

“My quarters are on this level” Kallus explains as he sits down. “Shouldn’t you be with the rest of your team?”

“Thought Kannan and Hera could use the alone time, doesn’t happen often with the kids.”

“Are they…” Kallus begins to ask before thinking better of it, it’s pretty obvious they are  and he doesn't want to seem like he’s prying. “I hope they don’t do anything else rash” Kallus breaths out eventually. He relaxes back against the slope. 

Zeb scoffs, “You do realize it’s Ezra and Sabine you’re talking about.”

Kallus lets out a puff of air. “Chopper is with them.”

“When has that mattered before?”

“Where is this coming from Garazeb? I thought it was my job to be the cynic.”

“Makes for a short talk if we don’t disagree”

“Then your trying to prolong this? Is fighting the only thing we’re good at?”

“Fighting each other, fighting together, fighting the Empire...” Zeb begins to list. A chill runs through the air as the sun finally disappears behind Yavin 4’s gas giant host planet. The nights here are filled with the gaseous orange glow. It reminds Kallus a little bit of coruscant's red light district and the undercity. The darkened alleyways so much more similar to this jungle moon than the scrubbed sterile and polished image of the throne world represented in imperial propaganda. 

“Fighting the cold.” Kallus finishes, resting his head on Zebs massive shoulder in a mockery of how the had woken up side by side on Bahrain. Zeb shrugs him off and Kallus has the nerve to look put out. 

\----

Zeb isn’t sure what he wanted to do about Kallus’s come on, if it was even a come on. But Kallus warm breath too near to his neck was definitely not improving his judgment. But then neither was his stern searching gaze.  _ Maybe… _ Maybe they could try this. And if it didn’t work out…  then, well it wasn’t as if they had run into each other on the base much anyway. Zeb could find a way to keep his distance if it turned out he couldn't or didn’t want to deal with the ex-imperial anymore.

Zeb wraps one of his arms over Kallus’s shoulders and cradles his head as they lean back against the temple slope.  

“Comfortable?” he asks, Kallus scoots in closer and laces his hands into the one Zeb has slung around his shoulders.  His gloves are fingerless and his grip is firm. Zeb feels embarrassed at his own embarrassment. This is their most intimate touch yet but their not even properly holding hands. 

If this goes wrong, Kallus is going to be harder to get rid of than Zeb thought. 

Finally settled and stroking at the fleshy pads of Zeb’s fingers Kallus belatedly replies, “Yes.”


	2. To Lothal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place between and overlaps "In the Name of the Rebellion" and "The Occupation"

Zeb has just relaxed and Kallus had just stopped computing the ways in which this arrangement could go wrong when Hera yells from the launch pad bellow. “Zeb! We got a call from chopper! They’re in the Tanis sector. Let’s go!”

“Good luck” Kallus calls as Zeb scrambles back inside the temple. Zeb’s ears perk towards his voice and Kallus thinks he hears a murmured thanks.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The specters return in full force as quickly as they left.

“The two of you can’t go anywhere without blowing something up.” Zeb says playfully as he descends the Ghost’s ramp with the others. Kallus can hear them from where he’s hunched over a console in the hangar bay.

Chopper beep loudly.

“Yes, we know it was none of your fault. Kallus even bet on you being the responsible one.”

“Hey!” Ezra protests.

“Since when does what Kallus says about us matter? Since when have you ever been talking to Kallus?” Sabine questions.

“You know, I see him ‘round”

“Uh hu…” Sabine replies unconvinced.

Kallus keeps his head down as they pass, heading towards the briefing room.

_ Another mision already? _

Kallus waits for them outside he had hoped maybe even planned a little that he would spend more time with Zeb. And he was beginning to become antsy in his nearly desk job position. If the Ghost is going somewhere, he wants to join her crew. 

The spectres exit their faces grim and determined. Except for Ezra his joy would make a star implode. 

_ To Lothal then.  _ Kallus thinks. The one place it would be useless and suicidal for him to go. Command wouldn’t allow it. Zeb is the last to exit and Kallus hangs back reconsidering his plan now. Zeb is waylaid by a young security officer she wants an opinion on something she came across in a routine scan.

“My bet is it’s the local wildlife. We had a lot of giant spiders on Attolon better find out what they are, take preventative measures.” He hands the pad back to the officer, smiles and she continues on her way. Kallus can’t hold back.

“Zeb!” He raises his voice a little to be heard over the din of the hanger. The Lasat’s ears perk toward him, head cocks slightly in a questioning gesture. He moves in closer. “So, you’re headed back to Lothal?”

“Yeah, what about it?” 

“Any chance there might…” Kallus begins to venture. But Zeb’s eyes narrow. 

“Your not an Idiot Kal. You’d jeopardize the mission with your sideburns alone.”

“I’ll shave.”

“That’s not the point I was tryin to make. Nobody is going to go for it.” Zeb says firmly. “And I’d find that very disappointing.”

“What?”

“If you were to shave.” Zeb clarifies. He places on hand under Kallus’s jaw and thumbs at his scruffy chin. “Wouldn’t mind it if you were to grow this bit out though.” How had they gotten here? Kallus normally would never let a conversation become this derailed from his objective, much less take suggestions about his grooming. But getting on the ghost had never been his objective in the first place had it? He blushes and hangs his head.

“At least, tell me about the mission.” He asks. It’s Zebs turn to clam up.

“It’s an intel op.”  
“Really? On what?” _If I had done a better job with my cover They would’ve had what their risking their necks for a month ago._

“Tie defender specs.” 

“Hmm,” Kallus nods “How long do you think?” Zeb breathes in.

“There’s no extraction plan,” He states. “Hopefully not to long.” The unspoken truth is as it always is  _ ‘hopefully not all the time I have left.’  _  “The Rebellion needs to be ready.” 

“It does.”

“Visago wants TEN Puffer-pigs to do the job!” Ezra yells “TEN!!!” 

Kallus and Zeb pull apart to look at him. Rex follows behind Ezra silently amused by his outrage. The older man sees Zeb’s hand leaving Kallus’s shoulder. Rex raises an eyebrow.  Apparently they’re more interesting than thoughts of ten puffer pigs and one outraged young Jedi. Kallus attempts to excuse himself.

“Where are you going Captain?” Rex asks. “I was just about to see if you could lend a hand in bringing the ghost back to base after we drop the real heros off.”

“Certainly.” Kallus replies. He and Zeb can have a drawn out goodbye surrounded by close frenemies,  _ Excellent.  _ Kallus thinks with sarcasm. Zeb grabs his arm.

“Hey...”

“Not now Zeb. I’ll see you.” He says flustered. Zeb watches him go. 

“Thanks Rex.” Zeb says

“Your welcome, thought you love birds might want a few extra hyperspace hours to nest”  

“Eww, WHAt.” Ezra adds. Zeb groans.

“We haven’t” he corrects.

“Well anyone looking would've thought you had.” Rex argues. Zeb is still looking out after Kallus “Know what your getting yourself into there?” he adds. 

_ \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

He wasn’t sure they’d fit in the gunner turret. But they did. Zeb climbs up first and then pulls Kallus up onto his lap. He can tell that Kallus isn’t used to being pushed around or sneaking off with a lover. Zeb can feel Kallus heart hammering against his chest. He squirms a little trying to get comfortable in the cramped turret and opts to rotate the chair back. He should have given a warning before doing it. Kallus falls sharply against his chest and begins apologizing. As if he’s not already sitting in another man’s lap.

“I’m good,” Zeb says, righting them. “Taken more of a knock than that from you before.” and now he’s ruined it. Ruined it with his big mouth. Kallus looks like he’s deciding whether or not to bolt.

“Maybe this wasn’t…”

Zeb doesn’t let him finish. Grabbing the back of Kallus’s head he pushes their mouths flush. 

“Hmph!” Kallus is shocked before steadily easing into the kiss. He presses his body closer to Zebs. Their heads are at and odd angle because Kallus won’t stop pushing upwards. Leave it to him to not be able to just lie back and be kissed. Zeb breaks them off, breathes, and takes in Kallus’s reddened lips and flushed face. His hair has fallen out of place and in front of his eyes.

“Put your other knee.” Zeb  says nearly breathless he taps at the other side of the gunners chair. Kallus gets the message and straddles Zeb’s thighs. Instead of sitting back down he stays on his knees. Resting his forearms on the back of the chair, He leans down and resumes the kiss. Zeb will have to get used to a demanding lover. He Grips at Kallus’s hips and strokes his back while greadily returning the fervor. 

If only their last encounter in a cramped space had gone like this. Zeb briefly imagines them giving themselves away by accidentally firing the guns, but they’re in hyperspace. It’s locked. 

“What is it?” Kallus asks, pulling back to watch the reflection of hyperspace whizzing by in Zeb’s eyes. 

“Nothing.” Zeb answers nuzzling at Kallus’s hand on his shoulder. Kallus has finally relinquished the need to be on top in favor of putting his weight down on Zeb’s lap. Zeb takes the opportunity to pull himself up and place a peck on the top of Kallus’s golden head. He huffs.

“What was that for?”

“I’ve just had my tongue halfway down your throat and you need to know what that was for?” Zeb questions.

“Well, when you put it like that.” Kallus wraps his arms around Zeb’s torso and fits his head under his chin. Pressed in close Zeb can feel their lazy hearts coming down from they high, leveling out. 

“Zeb, it’s time to get into disguise!” Sabine calls. “Zeb? Where are you.” 

“Karabast.” Zeb whispers. “I’m where you’ll never find me!” He calls.

“Zeb!” Sabine whines.

Kallus looks at him sadly. 

“Oh, don’t look like that.” Zeb chides. “Your not the one that has to wear shoes…”

“I always wear shoes, Garazeb.” Kallus says brows scrunching and smiling softly

“There. That’s better.” Zeb breaths thumbing at the corner of Kallus’s lip. He could kiss him again, pull him in gently this time press their bodies together until there was no chance of leaving. But then he never would leave, would he? But he has to go. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kissing Zeb left butterflies in Kallus’s stomach and makes him feel as though he might lose his footing while climbing up to the ghosts cockpit. He’s engineered at least five ways to smuggle himself onto the broken horn by the time he gets there. He knows that he can’t. The rebellion needs them in separate places now.

Nevertheless he still has a bad feeling about this Mission.The transmission from Rhyder Azadi was cut short. Which could mean that the resistance cell on Lothal had be wiped out, or worse they were being used as bait to draw the ghost crew out. On top of that Zeb told him that there was no extraction plan. But others had said there was no guarantee of an extraction at all and that makes Kallus itch to follow Zeb into whatever hell is waiting for them. 

Instead he warns: “This friend of yours, Cikatro Visago, is a criminal. He can’t be trusted.”

“Ah, we used to say that about you” Sabine quips back a little spitfully. Maybe she doesn’t appreciate that Kallus is cozying up to Zeb.

“Yeah,” Ezra backs her up. “ And besides Visago has a legitimate business on lothal now.”

“And who told you that?” Kallus asks.

“Hondo.”

“Ezra…” Hera groans from the pilots chair.

“Trust me, visago will get us through the empires blockade. He needs the money.”

Kallus hopes Visago loves money just as much as he loves Zeb.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zeb is rubbing a cramp out of his arm when Rex climbs up the latter.

“So you’re not gonna help/” he asks.

“I'm’ not allowed near the filthy beasts, Scare them, Apparently there’s something wrong with my face.”

“Aww,” Rex mocks concern. “ Well at least yours is unique unique.”

“What is that?! Clone humor?” Zeb calls after him Rex continues climbing toward the cockpit level. When he enters Hera speaks.

“You’re in the command of the ghost now. Take care of her.” Hera says fondly before turning deadly serious. “I will want her back.”

“To think all the times I chased this ship”  Kallus says giving the the pilots console a few strokes “All the trouble it gave me. and now I’m in command of it.” He relaxes back in the chair propping one elbow up on its shoulder.” Rex smiles a little bit at Kallus absurd posturing. He supposes he might deserve Kallus trying to get one up on him after what happened in the hanger. But that doesn’t mean he’ll take it. 

 

“You? Uh no no no, she was talking to me.” he corrects Kallus not bothering to hid his amusement. 

“Why would she give the ship to you, I’ve commanded star destroyers.” Kallus fires back haughtily. That’s what concerns Rex about Zeb and Kallus: the rebellion may be a new start for the ex-agent but that doesn’t make him a new person. 

“I’d say you just answered your own question then.” Rex replies smoothly. He’s surprised when Kallus’s face falls and he relinquishes the pilots chair so easily. They say nothing, no goodbye, across coms as the ghost detaches and the broken horn pulls away.

“Do you think he will come back?” Kallus asks after the cargo ship has blinked into hyperspace. 

Rex grimaces.“You won’t find a soul in the galaxy that has a satisfying answer to that question.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now that our boys are split up again the following chapters will have elements of letters, hallucinations and dreams like the beginning of "The Correspondent" has. Still canon compliant! no one can tell me whats going on in their heads. :P
> 
> Also feel free to visit me on tumblr at @brorifles !!!


	3. Flight of the Defender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Separated once again Zeb and Kallus have to learn to cope and what to even make of the whirlwind that is their budding relationship. 
> 
> !Warning! contains dreamed/hallucinated descriptions of violence and character death.

Kallus wanders away from the cockpit. Being almost alone on the ghost is both strange and freeing, so much different than the last time he was on board. No one’s here to judge him. He opts to try to get some rest in Zeb’s bunk. He sits down and pulls off his jacket and boots. The beat up padding itches and tickles at his exposed arms and neck. But Zeb’s scent is comforting. Nodding off he thinks about the warm weight of Zeb’s body enveloping his own as they kissed.  He’s out for less than hour before he feels the imagined pressure increases to that of a strangle hold. Waking to his own screams, he’s certain they hadn’t come from his throat. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Lothal looks like it’s dying” Ezra explains desperately to Kannan as the Broken Horn makes its approach. Lothal’s surface is a mass of glowing scars, it’s prairies burning like tinder. 

“Your home isn’t exactly the place you remember kid. Better prepare yourself.” Vizago replies as he calculates their landing vector. He transmits their clearance codes. 

As they land it becomes incredibly clear that the Empire knows something's up. Their escape from the impounded ship is a flurry of bouncing puffer pigs. Finding their way to what’s left of the rebel cell is an even bigger mess of explosions and actual sewage. By the time they are safely headed away from the city in Ryders old U-wing Zeb is having trouble believing any of it was real, much less yavin and the rest of the rebellion. 

And Kallus… The temple terrace and the Ghost’s gunner’s well seem so far away. It’s like he dreamed it. He doesn’t even know how he feels. Most of his head space was caught up in the possibilities of what might become of them. How he might plan best for the next eventual catastrophy. But the rush of the rushed touches, that fleeting fire he felt in his veins… maybe most of his head hadn’t been in damage control mode? He certainly has enough fantasies thought up to last him till…whenever…  _ if ever. _

_ \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

Kallus lays awake in Zebs bunk for a long while, unable to sleep after his disturbing wake up. Rex hadn’t heard the scream or hadn’t bothered to check on him. He rolls over on his side and traces one of the rips in the mattress with his finger tips. He hears an impact sound just behind his head, close to the bunk wall and jumps up. It’s a ripping sound not too dissimilar to what the mattress has gone though. But distinctly different in that it sounds the way knives do against soft flesh. And now the ripps seem wholly like scars on the bunk’s rippling surface. Kallus ridiculously thinks that somehow he’s aggravated them, rubbed salt in the wounds. But that’s not possible.

He thumbs the access pad of the door he hadn’t realized he’d been pressed up against. Thankfully, it yields and he’s ejected into the hall. 

The rest of the trip is uneventfully spent with Rex telling him stories of his glory days. Kallus is surprised to find out that Rex worked closely with his mentor Commander Yularen. But the mention of the former general becoming a mentor to imperial cadets strikes the wrong cord with the captain. There’s a conciliatory ‘but I suppose you turned out ok.’ and a lot of awkward silence spent staring out at hyperspace.

Back at base that night Kallus doesn’t sleep. It’s the lack of physical activity, he tells himself. He’ll find something to do to help take the antsiness away. He needs to be properly tired. But for now he thinks he knows how to handle this.

He reaches into his pants and gives his cock one experimental tug. He’s far to mature for this. But as a sleep aid, he guesses it will do just as well as any other. It’s far to easy too. He recalls Zeb’s gentle smile as he helped the young officer in the hangar bay his far away look after they were done kissing in the gunner’s turret, and most importantly the warmth between their hands and bodies. 

_ Kriff, what does he look like naked?  _ Kallus wonders. He wants to know exactly the direction each of Zeb’s stripes take across the planes of his body. He wants to count and categorize until his lips are numb, as if the act would make quantifiable his infatuation with Captain Garazeb Orrelios. But for now he just has himself. Orgaaasm comes to him quickly and easliy. If there’s one pro of masturbating in his early forties, it’s that he knows his own dick. Sated and sufficiently sleepy, Kallus rolls over cradling his pillow, imagining it to be one of Zeb’s thick arms, and falls asleep sweat soaked in the last few cool hours before the day. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s early morning When they arrive at the tie defender test sight.  _ Recon missions.  _ Zeb thinks woefully. The day is going to be full of lots of sore backs and cramping muscles. He, Ezra, Sabine and Ryder lay beneath a protective outcropping of rocks on a ridge not far from the small airfield. There is no sign of the Empire’s destructive acts against Lothal here and a light dusting of snow has coated the ground in the night.

During their wait Ezra has befriended every loth cat in sight.  Encouraged by Ezra’s cooing and the teams relatively motionless nature, the little beasts begin to climb on top and weave between them, each looking for the warmest spot. Zeb can see his breath everytime he exhales, and his elbows are going numb where they are pressed into the frost covered ground. He wonders briefly if this part of lothal was spared burning only because of the secrecy of the tie defender or because of the cold. Either way He’s fed up with this and Sabine is starting to be too.

“I see plenty of interceptors but that’s nothing new.” She comments. “Are you sure this is the place Ryder?”

“My spies said this is where the test flight for the new tie defender will be.” He replies.

“Well, we’ve been out here for hours and all we’ve seen are these stinking loth-cats” Zeb complains as he tries to unseat the loth-cat on his back who has decided that Zeb is the one who needs a grooming.

“What can I say, they like me.” Ezra says petting the soft white stomach of a striped one.

“I’m glad somebody likes you Ezra, but let’s stay on mision.”  Sabine contests.

Ezra’s comm beeps and Hera’s Voice is patched in. Everyone is antsy.

“Specter 2 to Specter 6, What’s your status?”

“No sign of the ship, yet. How’s your recon going?”

“The Empire’s been fortifying their anti-aircraft defenses and there are some new fuel takes near the factory.”

“They must be getting ready to start full scale production.” Kanan chimes in.

“Maintain surveillance until nightfall and then return to base.” Hera

“Copy that. Phoenix six out.” Ezra responds.

“My contacts tell me that the new prototype is even tougher than the one you’ve already encountered: More powerful engines, upgraded targeting computer”

“Yeah? I’ll believe it when I see it.” Zeb says brushing a loth-cat tail out of his face.

“That’s why we’re here Zeb.”

As if on cue the lothcats begin to hiss and snarl, the sound of an incoming tie echos their calls. The wake of it’s approach blasts Sabine’s helmet and Ryder’s hat off of their heads. Sabine quickly replaces it and lowers he scope. 

“Do you see it now Zeb?” she asks.

“Yeah,” He answers. “But I still don’t believe it.” They watch the tie defender make its landing in silence before Zeb speaks again. “Do we have anything that can match that speed?”

“Ah, It would definitely give the Ghost a run for its money.” Sabine replies she zooms in with her scope. “I know that pilot, Vault Scariss.”

“Well, if you had your recorder running we should have enough intel for rebel command.” Ignoring Sabines new information.

“Mission accomplished!” Zeb says hastily. He’s eager to get out of here before the kids turn this into something it’s not supposed to be, again.

“Hmm, we can do better.”

Everything goes downhill from there. Sneaking in is easy but as They watch the shuttle craft land and Thrawn exit getting Sabine and Ezra back seems like it will be a lot harder. But Zeb isn’t willing to lose the kids a second time, so soon after the stunt Guerra pulled.

“Ezra, Sabine, head for the south end of the runway. We’ll blast our way down there to get to you.” Zeb whispers across the com.

“No!” Ezra replies. “Take the information you have and report to base. We’ll find our own way back”

Zeb and Ryder look at eachother, grimacing. It’s the course of action that makes the most tactical sense. Their escape won't be tracked with the comotion Ezra is making down there. But that doesn’t mean they have to like it. 

“I told you it’d get interesting” Zeb says as they watch the stolen defender streak away, Sabine and Ezra on board.

“We need to get back to base.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kallus wakes a little later than usual and heads to the mess hall. There’s only a few personnel left clearing up from breakfast but thankfully there’s still caf. Kallus is guzzling down his second mug before noticing the same young security officer from the hangar, with the pest problem. She’s crouched down staring under one of the food service stations. 

_ Oh no _ , Kallus thinks.  _ Not in the mess… _

Just then the officer decides to stick her hand under the station only to withdraw quickly with a curse. Kallus makes his way over. Her fingertips have been bitten, but only slightly. Tiny pinpricks of red blood stand out against her skin. 

“What’s under there?” He asks. The officer looks up at him before standing.

“Some kind of lizard I think, They’ve been getting into the rations. But I can’t figure out how they’re getting into the compound.” She supplies.

“Well, If we scare this one a little bit maybe we can follow it’s escape route.” He suggests. She nods.

“It would be good to cut them off at the source. Recently, it’s been a struggle just to keep them out of the kitchen.” 

“Well then, Let’s see.” Kallus says Placing his hands on the service station and pushing. The thing moves maybe a few inches at most but the screeching sound of the metal against the stone floor is enough to startle the lizard. It shoots off down one of the adjoining halls. Kallus and the officer race after it.

When he said he needed physical activity this wasn’t exactly what he meant. They chase the lizard through two barracks, a training room and out from under at least a half dozen storage crates before the arrive at the crumbling alcove. The officer switches on a torch and continues the search. Kallus follows her down the steps into the humid darkness. Her torch catches glimpses of nearly a dozen lizards before they near the source of the humidity. 

A glowing underground spring. They watch as one of their reptilian friends dives in and seems to absorb its own scales, It schools together with several others of the salamander like species. Their translucent bodies glimmer together in the diffuse light. 

“Their beautiful,” He says absently. “But mystery solved. We’ll just have to close off this section of the temple at the top of the stairs.”

“Umhm,” the officer agrees. “This stream must let out at one of the nearby lakes. It’s the only other place I’ve seen these little guys.”

They make the climb back up to the upper halls and at the alcove the officer leaves him to go make her report.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zeb is trying to read as another blasted loth-cat settles onto his chest.  _ This is getting out of hand.  _ But he can’t bring himself to be mad. Worried about Ezra and Sabine he can’t sleep. The decision to leave them weighs on him like… The second lot cat that has climbed onto his lap. It tries to swat the first away. 

“Karabast!” Zeb says as a cat fight breaks out on top of him. He stands, shakes the creatures off and let’s them sort it out between themselves. It’s cold and Zeb belatedly realizes that the lothcat was offsetting some of the chill. But Zeb was built for this. With no natural insulation temperatures on a desert world like Lassan fluctuated wildly, always at the mercy of the sun’s light. Ryder had told him that Lothal had been experiencing a similar effect, with the vigitation striped away and the perpetual smog Lothal was dying a slow, cold, suffocating death.

He would hate to admit it but now, chilly missions reminded him of home just as often as they reminded him of Kallus. He hadn’t known humans were such thin skinned until he had seen Kallus shaking in the snow on the geonosian moon. But their delicacy afforded another much nicer side effect. With only a thin dusting of hair they transferred heat like crazy, heat and their scents. Zeb swears he can still smell Kallus on him even now. Luckily no one else in the crew has such strong senses. 

Zeb is awake watching the pink glow of the sunrise peak above the hills of their encampment. It’s almost the same rosy-golden shade of Kallus’s hair or the meteorite. He’s still lost in thought when the proximity sensors sound. Zeb  tumbles clumsily out of camp surprised and relieved to see Ezra and Sabine on the horizon.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kallus trips out of the crumbling structure and into the dense Yavin jungle. The sun has just set and the deep reddened night turns all the lush green foliage to mud. Ahead of him a little lizard dipps in and out of puddles shedding and donning its smooth luminescent or dark scaly skin accordingly. The puddles must be interconnected but the ground he walks on is sturdy. 

They pass a herd of horse like Runyips who bey and strike at the ground with their clawed hooves uncovering the sweet and tender roots of young trees to eat. Above him a flock a whisper birds can barely be distinguished through the top of the canopy. That can’t be right. He hasn’t seen anything like them since he was on Coruscant. His eyes return to the lizard he was following and finds that it and his puddle ridden path have disappeared.

He picks up a branch and tries to hack through the undergrowth with it. The rough wood turns to smooth durasteel in his palms. The beonet of his bow-rifle slices through the vines with ease. He’s running and something ahead of him runs too. He doesn't feel the motion in his legs or his feet, only in his chest, like a string tied around his sternum pulling him forward.

He needs to stop. He’s going to be pulled apart by this. 

Blindly he fires into the tangled darkness beyond, Once, twice and the keening cry of an animal resounds. He feels the pressure recede but still he is drawn forward. This time his steps sticking wetly in the red mud. Beyond there is a clearing it’s trees full of blue and green woolimanders, their masked like faces remind him of baboons found on some of the core planets, but their furred umbrella like tails swish in time behind them. He approaches the center of the clearing and find’s Zeb’s prone form lying there.

_ No. No. _

He touches the cauterized holes the bo-rifle wounds left in his friend’s chest. Traces them with his fingers and from their centers watches the remainder of the corpse disintegrate into ash. The woolamanders in unison let out a deafening roar and Kallus,alone, wakes up. 

He can’t stay here, in his bed after that and half asleep he wanders shaking out into Yavin’s night. The landing pad is lighted staving off Yavin’s bloody glow as the ramp of the ghost descends. 

He wakes the next morning with his face pressed into the padding of Zeb’s bunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also on tumblr @ brorifles!


	4. Kindred

For once Ezra and Sabine had managed to complete a mission without irreparably destroying the target. Only problem is, they don’t remember where exactly they stashed the tie defender’s hyperdrive and every minute they spend searching for it is another minute they're asking to get caught. 

“It’s over here somewhere!” Ezra says. “Jai, keep watch.”

“Over here. Somewhere…? Zeb replies exasperated. “All these rocks look the same!”

“It was dark and we’d just crashed.I didn’t have time to make a map!”A meowing Loth-cat interrupts their argument. It’s perched on the tip of a small boulder. “Hey, when in doubt, follow the loth-cat.”

“Your kidding, right?” they move to heave the shell of a boulder away from the two rock formations it leans against. Sure enough, the hyper drive is inside. “You and your loth-cats.”

They are moving the hyperdrive when Jai shouts out his warning. He and Ezra are disguised as scout troopers and leave Zeb with the Hyperdrive as they try to head the imperial off. It doesn’t work and Zeb’s left clinging to a high up rock while balancing the hyperdrive under one arm. The imperials are too near to his ride, he looks around. Spotting the unprotected transport, he thinks  _ I’ll just have to steal thier’s.  _ One forceful kick is enough to slam the driver out of the other open door and he’s on his way.

“Specter 4 to specter 2, I’ve acquired the hyperdrive.”

“Good work specter 4. What about specter 6?” 

“Oh I’m sure he’ll be along.” 

\----

Zeb pulls up to base, giddy about his steal and pokes his head out the transport to say:

“Look what I got!” He feels the blaster bolt nearly clip his ear before ducking, “eh, I guess I should have mentioned that I stole the transport.” he says sheepishly. Ryder had almost shot him! And in that instant Zeb had thought of Kallus; his warm mouth against Zeb’s own, the thought of never holding him again. He doesn’t know if what they have is worth it, the shame, the constant guilt. But he doesn’t want to die without finding out.

\----

They get the hyperdrive installed just in time. Imperial tanks are approaching when he feels Sabine taps his hip with the barrel of  one of her blasters. Hera and Kannan are behind them kissing goodbye. They rest their foreheads together as they finish and Hera lifts Kannan’s chin up as she breaks their embrace. 

“May the force be with you.” She adds just before the u-wing’s door slams closed. There is so much energy between them and Kannan stands basking in the glow of it long after the door has closed.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun has just risen when Kallus steps out of the ghost. He feels almost naked in the cool light. He should report in in case someone needs him or comes looking. But there’s something he needs to do first. He winds his way through Yavin base grimey halls to the alcove and the stairs leading to the lizard infested depths. A door has been installed. It wouldn’t do to cut off a potential escape route. He descends following the scuttling creatures and then the glowing stream until he finds daylight again. 

Emerging from the cavern he’s greeted by the light, multiplied by its reflection across a wide, smooth lake. At first the water seems untroubled but then he notices the insects skating along the surface like thoughts across a sleeping brain. The salamanders pop just the tips of their noses above water to snap at their slender legs. The jungle from his dream is dark and distant on the far shore. But it can’t be the same; It’s blue and still.

Kallus picks up a branch half expecting it to trans-morph into his weapon, the one he had left behind on the frozen moon. But it stays a branch. He sits and pokes ripples into the still water as he thinks. He hadn’t physically hurt Zeb. It had all been a dream. But was he hurting him in some other way? He thinks of the rope attached to his sternum, tethered so close to his heart. What was he to Zeb? 

The salamanders have taken an interest in his disturbance of their habitat. A few poke their heads fully above water the smooth skin of their gills wrinkling into scales and back again. Judging him to not be a threat, they take to snapping at the offending stick. He’s obviously outstayed his welcome.

Returning  to the ghost, Kallus helplessly curls up in Zeb’s bed once again.

_ What am I to him? _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“We won’t stand long against those tanks.” Zeb says as Hera makes her escape.

“We have that transport and a bike.” Ryder answers. So, the plan is to run. Before they can agree the Imperial tanks target and destroy their stolen transport.  _ But running had sounded so good... _

“How many can we get on a bike?” Zeb asks sarcastically.

“We’re out of options.” Ryder says. He’s the least hopefull rebel Zeb has ever met. Just then a howl echos through the mountains.

“There! That’s out way out.” Ezra says with confidence.

“Loth-wolves?” Ryder asks, incredulous.

“Look, they helped me before. We should follow them.”

“Are you serious?”

“Do you know the way out?!” Ezra yells in the wolf’s direction. The answer is either yes, or that the wolf is leaving because it’s offended  “Come on!” Ezra calls as he runs after the creature.

“Kannan?” Sabine asks, uncertain.

“Seems like the best idea we’ve got!”

“This is good. When it gets strange like this it’s a good thing!” Zeb says clasping Ryder on the shoulder and trying to sound convinced. 

“How have you people stayed alive so long!”

They rush though the winding paths through the mountains. Ezra seems to have become unnaturally fast and Zeb is pushing to keep up with him even with his added height.

“Ezra! Wait up!”

“Ezra!” Sabine yells as they lose sight of him around a sharp bend.

“I don’t want to lose them!”

They are led to a den and inside the walls are covered with drawings. Zeb hears the Empire’s bombing run before it begins and an icy block of anxiety settles in his gut. Ezra asks them to join hands as if they are performing some sacred ritual. The rippling veins of rock seem to glow all around them. Zeb has only felt something like this once before, during what he thought would be a hopeless journey to find Lira-San. The cave walls and the quaking mountains coming down around them are not so different than the clustered maw of black holes they traveled through, gravitational forces threatening to tear the Ghost apart. Then, Zeb feels distinctly that they have somehow stepped out of time. He hears the grass of lothals plains tickling his ears just before they wake up. 

“Where in blazes are we?” He asks. It’s a completely different cave. A small apse above the door lets in a beam of golden light.

“Let’s find out.” Ezra says walking toward the exit.

Once outside, Sabine runs a scan and fills them in. “Uh, your not gonna believe this. We were in the northern hemisphere and now we’re in the southern hemisphere. Somehow, we’ve moved halfway across the planet.”

Zeb looks out across the plains wistfully from were they are perched in the mountain alcove, it’s almost like the Empire doesn’t exist out here.

“I’m not even gonna ask how we got here.” Ryder says. He’s right it’s too beautiful to be real.

“Ezra, how did you know the wolves could do that?” Zeb asks. He had been told legends and prophecies as a child. But watching his people butchered and his home burned with no sign from the invisible Ashla or the smoke covered sky had instilled in him a bitter skepticism. He considered only Chava and the other wise women of his people as frail links to such errantly promised magic, not his pubescent bunkmate who had only recently discovered the virtues of a haircut. 

“I didn’t.” Ezra says before heading back inside with the pack.

And it doesn’t matter if Ezra didn’t understand how they came to be here. Zeb is only glad that they are. He and Ryder split up to explore the open air cliff dwellings. The gouge into the mountain’s face spans a full 360 degrees and the cluster is surrounded on three sides by a lazily winding river which forms a natural moat. It’s defensible, and they’d see any ground forced approaching from miles away. Zeb settles down and dangles his legs over the steep edge The sun is warm and getting low in the sky. He closes his eyes marveling at how in this abandoned place he feels so alive.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kallus hears chopper’s beeping outside in the main hall before he knows what’s happening

“What do you mean there’s something alive in Ezra’s room? It better not be some pet!” Hera’s voice increases as the door jerks open. 

“I didn’t notice anything on the way back.” Rex objects.

Hera  jumps as Kallus sits up pulling on his jacket and boots, clearly not expecting this big of a pet. 

“Why are you on my ship?!” She asks reflexively

_ Where is Zeb? Why isn’t he here?  _ Kallus thinks frantically, trying to peer past her into the hall despite her question.

_ Zeb’s still on Lothal.  _ Chopper beeps sadly but helpfully.  _ He’s helping coordinate the ground attack on the tie defender factory. _ Kallus’s excitement dwindles.

Hera looks confused and Rex stifles a laugh, “He’s not on your ship, or in Ezra’s room, He’s in Zeb’s bed!” Kallus gives him a glare and Rex proceeds to coo,“What did you have a nightmare? You look like bantha shit.” 

“Maybe I did.” Kallus’s sharp answer is enough to scare him on his way. Not so Captain  Syndulla. She’s considering him thoroughly arms crossed, her narrowed gaze nearly as uncomfortable as Thrawns. Eventually he breaks.

“Well! how have you and Kannan been doing this for so long?”He asks trying vainly to regain control of the situation. Hera’s eyebrows shoot up. “At least I assume it’s been long” he tries to backpedal. Surely,she must have slept in her lovers bunk at some point. Her gaze narrows again. “Not that I should assume anything.” He adds, pretending to be suddenly enamored with one of Sabine’s many murals. Hera follows his eyes to the painting and her arms unfold. It seems to be of Chopper and Ezra playing some sort of dangerous trick with the upper bunk landing on top of Zeb.  “I just miss him.” He ends in a whisper, it’s much different from the inconsiderate question he began with.

“With a lot of trust,” Hera says sighing and leaning on the wall. “And our fair share of worry.” 

Kallus feels so uncertain. If only he could speak to Zeb.  _ What am I to him? _

“I need to get going, this attack won’t lead itself.” Hera says, turning to leave. She’s made it halfway out the door before he has the courage to ask.

“Captain Syndulla! I apologize for my rudeness and for being on your ship. And If…” He stills himself and takes a breath “When you see Zeb, could you tell him…” Hera is smiling gently now. 

“Your welcome to stay,” She answers. “ And trust, Captain Kallus. You’ll tell him yourself.” She says sternly, gives him another sad smile and continues on her way. Her words are brave, but they’re not what he wanted to hear. He throws himself back on the bed.

_ Where does the rebellion get this kind of hope from? _


	5. Crawler Comanders

After the Loth-wolves leave the ghost crew spends the night in the abandoned mountain dwellings. Zeb takes the first watch. Lothals newly risen moons hang low in the sky. Their light casting long shadows of the mountain peaks across the smooth plains below. 

Before turning in that night the crew had a chance to salvage what they could from Ezra’s tower. The pile of junk seems to have brought some eire feeling of neglect to this untouched place. The empty trooper helmets seem to glow in the moonlight like bleached bone. Unexpectedly, the tiny comm unit they recovered sparks.

_ That can’t be good.  _ Zeb thinks. He pulls it out from under the clutter and examines it. In fiddling the dials he stumbles across a flicker of a symbol.  _ Fulcrum.  _ Zeb feels a drowning pressure settle in his chest and  leaves the console and gets back to his watch, half trying to convince himself that he imagined the image, that it was just a trick of the moonlight or some inverted shadow.

He had only thought of Kallus in a split moments since they’d left Yavin : in the bite of the northern cold, at the sight of a rosy sunrise and near death. He realizes that the mission has only been good up to this point because he hasn’t had time to think. 

_ Or because you’ve given him up.  _ The little guilting voice inside him suggests. It would be so much easier not to try to make sense of what he felt for Kallus. 

_ We’re near matches physically  _ Zeb thinks for a start.  _ And Kallus is so beautiful.  _ He stops there. 

_ It’s not enough. _

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yavin nights are cool and damp. And made to seem all the more chilly by the suspense of waiting for the news. 

_ Was Captain Syndulla’s attack successful? Would Zeb be coming home? _

He knows that the attack force hasn’t arrived yet, and he needs to be patient. Kallus tries to focus on figuring out this new imperial code, protocol 13. He has to trust that Zeb can take care of himself. And He has to so all he can to be certain he and the rest of the ghost crew will have a safe place to come back to when it’s all over.

Protocol 13: A complete recall of all imperial forces from an entire planet.  _ Maybe it’s to deny any evidence of Imperial incursion? _ While that might show promise that the military branch is paying attention to the senate appeals, it’s too much to hope for, too much of a gesture of acknowledgement that the Imperial military needs popular support. 

_ Only it’s not complete troop withdrawal,  _ Kallus thinks, scanning the document more closely.  _ Its withdrawal to the percentage of maximum troop and equipment losses. _ Not exactly a clean cover up. Kallus knows. He’s kriffed up covering his trail before.

_ But you don’t count your losses if there is nothing to lose. _

Zeb was his only risk. And sometimes the thought of him in danger caused Kallus’s throat to close and his mind to spiral into panic. In those times he has to find a way to push forward and so he cuts himself off from those feelings, even to the point of refusing to claim his body as his own. 

Suddenly it hits him, The connection between complete troop withdrawal and his own self prescribed disassociation: To prepare for some impending horror, to deal with some non-negotiable fact,To limit the amount a damage done. The protocol 13 system was being given up but that didn’t mean the Empire would just let it go. Without more information it was impossible to say what exactly they were planning. But Kallus is certain the planet wasn’t Lothal. It couldn’t be.  To much of the Empire was physically rooted there to justify what must be a near apocalyptic attack measure. But It’s a thin consolation next to the despair kallus feels welling. 

However, Geonosis was attacked with a biological weapon, and yet the surface appearance of the planet and its infrastructure had remained unaffected. The Empire hadn’t needed a mass troop and resource withdrawal to then. An that meant whatever the follow up to Protocol 13 was, it destroyed without discrimination.

Kallus feels his heart jump.  _ Not Lothal, Not Lothal,  _ he thinks helplessly. Maybe, if Hera’s attack was successful Zeb would be coming back. The galaxy is growing into an evermore frightening place. He’d feel more at peace with Zeb at his side, if he had the chance to get some clarity on what they are.

_ Maybe nothing. _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sabine is playing with the dial on the old communications system the salvaged from Ezra’s tower. It’s not in as bad disrepair as they thought. Someone must have been making use of it in their absence _. _

_ Kallus.  _ Zeb’s brain supplies him with the answer. There’s something in the way the transmission is garbled that reminds him distinctly of Kallus’s fulcrum transmissions, so much so that Zeb regards the piece of junk with fondness, despite it giving him a start last night. He leans back against the cave’s wall and listens to Sabine tinker away.

“This transmitter was all we could scrounge up. What do you think?” Ezra asks her.

“Well, I could boost the power but not enough to overcome the Empire’s jamming signal. They’re blocking all non-imperial transmissions.”

“We have to find a way to make contact with Hera.” Kannan says.

“If she made it past the blockade.” Ryder retorts.r54

“She made it.” Kannan nearly growls. “She’ll convince rebel command to launch an attack. We need to be ready to help.”

How can Kannan be so sure of Hera? Ryder is a sceptic for sure. But by far the most pragmatic person among them. Kannan just trusts. And so far it’s worked. Zeb hopes they never meet a day when it doesn’t. Could he have that kind of trust in Kallus some day?  _ Does that level of love happen to everyone? How does it happen? What are the steps? _

In searching vainly for the answers, Zeb realizes that he and Kallus never explicitly discussed what they are to each other. Maybe, they had both silently agreed that it’s better not to put a name on something so likely to be lost. Or Maybe, Kallus just saw him as a warm body that’s easy to get at. Perhaps, he doesn’t even spare a thought for Zeb now.

“Help?! Look I wanna fight but the Empire’s got thousands of troops. We are are hiding in a cave, with no ships, no supplies and a couple of blasters.” Ryder argues.  Similarly, Zeb feels that loving Kallus is a shot in the dark.

“We’ve done a lot more with a lot less. There’s a way, we’ll find it.” Ezra answers tritely. Zeb wonders if hope and trust mature. If so, Ezra’s is naive, Kannan’s is in it’s prime, and Ryder’s is decrepit.

Zeb knows Ryder’s observation is right but he doesn’t want to give up hope for Lothal and Kallus so easily. He perks up as the transmitter emits one long high pitched wail.

“What now?” He asks.

“I can’t make contact outside the planet but I’m picking up something transmitting nearby.” Sabine answers

“How close?” Kannan asks.

“Close enough to take a look!”

“Better check it out.” Ryder concludes. 

\----

It’s not difficult to find the ore crawler. They just follow the rising smoke. It's horrendous what has is being done to Lothal’s surface. 

“... but that ship might be just what we need.” Zeb thinks aloud.

“Zeb, you might be more right than you know. That crawler is equipped with a long range communications array.”

“One that can reach Hera?”

“I’m almost sure of it.”

Their approach in the speeder is covered by the rising smog and the two droids on deck provide no resistance. Once on the bridge the realize that the crawler’s captain is enthraled in the song playing loudly through his head set. It’s amusing for a second until Zeb remembers that this captain is driving a machine that is killing Lothal, robbing people of their homes. Like his home was robbed from him.

“I like that song” Zeb says pulling one earpiece away from the reptilian Trandoshan’s head. There’s something so domestic and relaxed about the scene, the captains feet propped up on the dash, hands wildly conducting the concert for one. Zeb can’t help but want to ruin it. 

From there things get a little bit more tricky. Sabine manages the alarm but the captain remains a constant headache. But eventually they get everything under control. The slave master ended up being Zebs most difficult opponent in a long time. Zeb doesn’t remember the last time he was out matched in size and there were no wits involved. Kallus would be like a stick compared to the slaver.

Zeb just hadn’t thought that he would be asked to become his opponent mere minutes latter. Maybe it’s his own fault. He had let go of his bo-rifle in the fight and was holding the laser whip as Ezra wove his plan.

“Me? A slave master?!”

“Just put the helmet on.”

“All right, I guess…” 

It’s not quite alright. Thinking about it makes Zeb want to be sick. But surprisingly the ruse works and the troopers are gone within minutes. Ezra climbs into a ventilation shaft to take care of captain headache and they get the com system online. All thats left to do is wait for Hera’s answer. 

In the meantime the crawler’s crew are on the top deck enjoying the sunshine that has started to poke through the ash filled sky. But clever Visago is already trying to secure his position with Ezra. Another stands apart from the boisterous crew, a rodian female. Her dark eyes haven’t seemed to clear completely of the pervasive dust. But in answering Ezra’s call to fight she is no less enthusiastic than the others. 

“We will fight for the big purple beast!” She adds to the answering cheer. Zeb is a little taken aback, unsure if he is insulted. But she looks at him expectantly, the bright highlights in her round eyes unwavering. Zeb shuffles a little and is greatful when Hera’s answering message comes through. 

It’s not Kallus over the comm briefing them after Hera shares the good news. Why had Zeb expected it to be? It’s not his mission. As excited as Zeb is to finally deal a blow to the Empire, he’s crushed to think that Kallus doesn’t need him. Zeb knew he craved Kallus when he was weak. He hadn’t expected to think about the agent after a victory.

The Rodian with the soot darken eyes corners him when he’s sulking. If what they had was only about thier bodies, maybe he can forget about Kallus entirely. She’s not the most beautiful thing Zeb’s ever seen. But when has he been picky about partners? 

Her thin frame pressed up against his bulk feels like almost nothing. The kiss is stale and Zeb pulls himself away clasping her searching hands in his own gently. 

_ No,  _ He thinks. _ This feels so wrong. _

“There’s someone else.” Zeb explains to her absently. “There’s someone else waiting.” Zeb admits. “If I make it back to him.” she seems to understand and they pull apart mutually. Zeb doesn't watch her go but he wonders how many pairs of hopeless lovers this war has created.

How has Kallus completely ruined him in so brief a time? And beyond the physical, why does he love him?

_ I admire his bravery and there’s the practiced way he carries himself.  _ It reminds Zeb of the princes and politicians of Lassan. All their influence and grace backed up by the utter bull shit that came out of their mouths.  _ But I love how he does not shrink from a challenge, and doesn't pretend that he’s never been proven wrong, and,  _ Zeb smiles,  _ how easily he is undone by the slightest kindness. _

_ Is it enough?  _ Zeb wonders.  _ Why do people love each other?  _ He’s always been told that it just feels right. But why then does what he has with Kallus often feel so wrong? The past would never be behind them, Zeb knows. His body and the bodies of all survivors are like liminal spaces, inexplicably tethered to the moment and place where everything went wrong. But that can’t be all he is, some living scar. 

He can’t make sense of it entirely.But he thinks needs to be honest with Kallus and tell him about the dreams, the nightmares, his anger, and uncertainty.

_ Even if that means I lose his trust?  _ The nagging voice asks.

_ I don’t know that I can love him but I want to.  _ The maze of their relationship is so complicated even before they have truly begun. Zeb feels that their love is a cruel gamble. But maybe, they’ll be able to figure it out together. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ Who am I to him? Who am I to him?  _ Kallus asks himself in repetition, almost compulsively, as if his own identity is at stake.

_ Who am I to you?  _ The answering question comes in Zeb’s voice out Yavin’s red tinged dark. Kallus sits up and turns on the light. He had forgotten. In his search for validation he had lost what once had made him feel so sure. He had loved Zeb before welcoming arms and lips had vaguely reciprocate his feelings. He had loved Zeb in the words of un-sent and purged letters, in confessions and acts that sparked only hope. 

Kallus scrambles for something to write with. Yavin base had technology, yes, but little to spare. He hovers over the flimsi notepad he was given along with the rest of his meager personal belongings. 

_ Zeb, _

_ I love you. I miss you. Come home. _

Kallus wishes the words could will the future in being instead of just providing a ritual to exorcise the shadows of his thoughts. Zeb would come back. Wouldn’t he? For a selfish moment Kallus entertains the idea of a life where he never spied for the alliance. Just to be able to present himself as Zeb’s always and only adversary, to ensure his survival, to protect him from the inside. Kallus swears, if Zeb lived, to be killed by him would be enough. What a beautiful sight his last would be.

But that’s an obsessive route and not what he chose. All he can do is trust in Zeb now. Kallus huffs and lies back down.  _ Zeb would be offended to know i thought he couldn’t take care of himself.  _ Offended and amused. Hadn’t it been Kallus that needed saving the last few times they were in a tight spot? He lets his eyes slip closed for once the Yavin night doesn’t feel so cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me through this slow burn series! The final section will be added hopefully towards the end of March (episode release dates allowing.)
> 
> As always in the meantime, I'll be on tumblr @brorifles.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr @brorifles !!!


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